When I was in the seminary, a friend once told me that sex has now become a religion. I somehow agree with him, in a sense that, people -especially men- choose not to resist the sexual urges that lurks within the mind. Just to clarify one thing: sex in itself is not bad. Sex outside marriage is. For some people, sex has become the underlying reason for relationship and living.
As a result, most commercials advertise their product with a model wearing bikini, or speaking with a bedroom voice, or acting like seducing someone to attract attention from people. This is sad, because we can see how the moral values of the world continue to deteriorate. One time, when I was on my way to school, I saw a tarpaulin with this question: “Have I told you before how much I love you?” Then I noticed that the tarpaulin was an ad of a motel near that place (If you’re not from the Philippines, you may not know that most of the motels here have the reputation of place for people who use prostitutes). Now we see the implication.
Some single men think that having sex with anyone they want is okay because he won’t lose anything. He adds: “when I’m already married, there is no way I’ll still be tempted to commit adultery, I already have a wife.” Sadly, this is not true. I always hear this statement from my pastor: If you can’t be sexually pure as a single, you can’t be sexually pure as a husband. I don’t know where they got the idea that marriage will terminate sexual temptations.
I was surprised to hear a woman believing this lie. When I was in a massage spa, the girl who was massaging me asked me if I was still a virgin. I was a bit uneasy to answer her question, but I answered anyway. I told her that by God’s grace, I still am virgin. She was shocked at my answer. Her follow up question was even more shocking: “Shouldn’t you guys enjoying your life with different women while you are still single?” Wow! I couldn’t believe it came from the mouth of a woman.
This is really sad. But what’s more really heart breaking is, knowing that Christians are not exempted to this struggle, some are consciously and intentionally living in it. Some may not be in the extreme part of having sexual relationships, or using prostitutes. But what’s the most common, and is usually the starting point for addiction is the pornography.
Lust is not only the desire to experience sex. But it is also the mindset of getting what you want when you want it. It always starts in the mind. Lust is a sin because Jesus said so. According to Him, it is tantamount to committing adultery. One pastor preached about this, and he entitled it “The Battle in the Brain“. Some people who want sex, but couldn’t afford to -for some reasons- use pornography as the most convenient way for the pleasure they desire.
I hear so many Christians talking about this as a struggle. I understand. I also went through this same struggle, and am still in the journey of keeping my actions and mind pure.
I intend to write this note for people who are Sold-Out to Jesus, thus there’s a Metanoia (change of mindset) that will lead to Changing lanes. I hope this will be a great help for us all.
There are some common things that I noticed why we fall in to this:
1. We Struggle too much – Struggling to much is not healthy in itself. If you are in a deep ocean and you don’t know how to swim, your natural instinct will tell you to struggle hard so that you can float. But actually, the more you struggle hard, the more you will sink. Keeping yourself relaxed and waving your hands and feet from time to time is the best way to float and survive. Sometimes the problem with us is we think too much of not committing or watching “it”. I think, there is only a little difference between planning to do “it” and thinking the whole time that you’re not planning to do “it”. It’s still the same, in one way or another. Because you still feed your mind too much about the struggle. The battle is in the mind. Renewing the mind does not mean having a mindset of not planning to sin. Rather, it’s like a computer being reformat. And not only reformat, but reformat with the package of installing an Anti-Virus program. That’s renewing.
2. We Study (the Scripture) too little – Sometimes, we fight the battle alone. Christian life is not hard. It is impossible. That is why there is a need to be filled with the Spirit. Studying and Obeying the Scriptures is the proof that a person is filled with the Spirit. I said “Studying and Obeying IS the proof” because these two words shouldn’t stand alone. Obeying without studying is blindness, and studying without obeying is callousness. How many times have I found myself regretful after falling in this sin, and telling myself: I should have memorized a verse or studied a passage instead! Since the battle starts in the mind, filling our minds with bible verses is very helpful. Whenever you are in front of your computer and are tempted to open inappropriate page, I suggest you remember this verse: “As for me and my mouse, we will serve the Lord.” HAHA! 😀
3. We Commit so little – Falling in this kind of sin needs a decision whether you will do it or not. Staying pure is not about being mature. It is about commitment. A new Christian cannot rationalize that he can still watch pornography just because he is a new Christian and he’s not leading or part of any ministry yet. It’s a commitment even to small things that you think and act upon. Commitment to please my God always. Temptation does not usually come so big and noticeable. Hunters have taught me this lesson. They say that catching a bear is easy. You only have to put a knife in a big ice. And then put a blood on the surface of the ice. The bear would lick it until the ice will finally melt. Then the bear won’t realize that it’s already licking the blood of it’s own. Sooner or later, it dies. The difference of the bear to us, is that we are aware of the little things. The moment we think that commitments are only important for big things/ responsibilities is the moment we start to fall. Commitment is a vital aspect of Christian life. It applies to all, especially to our thoughts. Everyday, every moment, there is a need to commit our thoughts to God.
There should be no Porn Again Christians. I am not saying that Christians will no longer fall into pornography or lust. We may. But we are never required. Some people think that if they could do anything they want, they have freedom. This includes sex outside marriage, watching pornography, and other related matters. But what they don’t realize is: as they continue doing these things, they start being enslaved by them. Then there is no freedom at all. Finally, it will ruin their lives because they never got the chance of being freed. True Freedom is found when we became slaves of Christ. Sometimes those who are already Christians and are totally freed by Christ, still choose to be prisoners of sin. They forgot, there are many things and more other ways for real joy outside the prison. And so for Christians who are addicted to porn. There are so many things worth spending our time, our money, and our attention with. Sadly, some just choose to be Porn Again Christians. Indeed, sex is now a religion. And remember, when we stop worshiping God, we don’t worship nothing, we only choose to worship something else.
I found true freedom in life when I became a slave of Jesus.
I don’t know how to say sorry
for the things i did intentionally
my heart was broken really,
when i realised I was bully.
If i made fun of you,
If i made your day blue,
I’m sorry that my words hurt you
I’m sorry i never knew.
If i was insensitive,
If i was provocative,
please tell me what to do
that I, you may forgive.
I know you are busy
I know, now you’re drowsy
but please hear me,
I’m sincere: I’m sorry.
I want to see you soon,
that i could give you a balloon
or if not, a spoon…
so we could eat together,
and our friendship, again, be in good tune.
In a place where people need God the most, a young man felt the call of God to minister. He was great. He started to disciple people to have a more meaningful relationship with Jesus. And soon, a church was planted. It was a place of comfort for the hurting, encouragement for the discouraged, light for those who are in darkness. God blessed and honored the work of the young pastor.
After a few years, he was in love with a very wonderful woman. Perhaps the most beautiful woman you will ever see. She might as well be the kindest and sweetest wife you would ever have. The young pastor loved her, and soon they got married.
Then there was a sudden change in the life of the pastor’s ministry. People who came to him for counseling were not satisfied anymore. People who needed his presence in ministry fairs were always disappointed. People who used to ask for his guidance started walking away. People started to mistrust him.
What you can hear from the lips of the people seemed like the chorus of a song, with full melody and lyrics, which went something like:
“when he was still single, he was great… he used to do these, and those…“
Then someone boldly asked, about the root of the problem. No one dared to answer. Until his apprentice came up, and said:
“the first mistake, he ever made was when he married the person, who perhaps has the same reason for living, but not the same mission in living. “